


A lifetime

by Numberonephanboy



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Break Up, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-27 17:26:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17166176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Numberonephanboy/pseuds/Numberonephanboy
Summary: They had built a life together. One of joy and love, but did it ever really matter.





	A lifetime

**Author's Note:**

> I may write more, but this is it for now.

Things that you once though were blissful and meaningful can be ripped away within seconds.

I had just got home from work. It was long and hard and the only way I'm ever able to get through it is knowing that it's all for you. To keep our apartment. Small, but warm. We've started here. Eighteen and scared out of out minds, but it was a place to call our own. 

There you were. Warm and lovely. Always so lovely. You'd changed over the years, grown from your small frame and tormenting thoughts. 

You were sitting at one of the only bar stools to our rickety table, only big enough for two. The same smokes that you had given up years ago lay in front of you. It was like you were frozen. Stiff and in shock. 

You looked up at me, sad and teary eyed. 

I asked you, "What's wrong love?"

You looked away and I reached for your hand, but you pulled away, shaking. 

"I made a dumb mistake." 

Unknowing, still breathing, still loving. "You decided to smoke again." It wasn't a question, but you shook your head. How stupid I was. What a fool I had been. 

"No, they're his." You started to tremble and your voice broke. And I knew what you had meant. 

His. 

At first no one came to mind, but slowly it set in. My best friend. The who was close with not just me, but Dan too. Flirty even, but I was the naive trusting fool. I hadn't seen it. Hadn't looked for the signs. 

I remember feeling faint. I couldn't speak. I couldn't breathe. I was heart broken. You, once warm and lovely, broke me in two. 

Now it's over weeks later and I'm still in pain. 

The pain, it consumes me. It wrecks through my body in waves. 

I remember everything. The fight after and the one the next day. It's so vivid it's like it never ended, the fight's still going. 

I spend nights on the couch, unable to sleep in the bed that was ours. I can hardly stand this place. All the memories. 

Your bare shoulders illuminated by the morning sun. The curling mess of your hair. 

I wonder why I wasn't enough. What went wrong? We were happy. We still made love. We still had our lives together and yet...

You'd rather blow it all to hell for a dirty hook up in the afternoon. 

Why? I'll never know. You never answered me when I asked. 

You don't answer my calls, my texts. I endlessly scroll through the conversations we used to have. 

They tell me wait for the bitterness, wait for the anger. I'll hate you for doing this, for leaving me and everything that we've built. But I don't think it will ever come. I loved you with such passion. Such trust. I could never hate you even with my heart broken and bleeding on the floor. 

They say don't look at the texts, the photos, the memories, but I can't stop. They say, "I know you love him, but it's over." And the tears spill again. 

We used to sit here on this couch, cuddled together on nights of rest. We used to touch and laugh. So many memories. We got excited and rilled up, here on this couch. Again in the shower. Once in the kitchen, once on the table. 

Where were you when it was with him? Did he touch you in all the place I know you love? Did he map you out, explore every crevice? 

I don't want to know, but I can't help but wonder. 

The messages got erased and I think I wept that day more than ever. It was the last straw. The final thread was taken away, unraveled from the quilt that was our life. 

I feel betrayed in a way. I put my trust in you. Spent years upon years of love and honestly and I can't but question if it was all a lie. 

Did you love me too? Sometimes I think you did, but I can never be sure. Did you ever feel the same. Was our connection onesided? 

All these damn questions in my head that I'll never have the answers to. 

I need to leave. To get out, but how do I do that? You were the best part of me. I can't just box up the past ten years and pretend that they didn't happen.


End file.
